We'll always have Caracas

If you’re like me and have long had a yen to jet down to Caracas, now’s the time. The joint is jumpin’ with some high times and high living. Here’s the scoop from the AP:

Venezuelans are swilling aged whiskey, snapping up luxury cars and treating themselves to plastic surgery in an oil-fueled spending spree worthy of one of the fastest-growing economies in Latin America.

Oh…It gets even better:

Venezuela's economy is expected to expand at least 8 percent this year, the fastest growth in South America, according to the U.N. Economic Commission for Latin American and the Caribbean. Government and industry figures show construction activity has spiked, car sales are at record highs and banks are earning record profits.
[…]
There are other signs of an economy surging with cash: banks offer loans for plastic surgery, property rentals in swanky parts of Caracas rival those in major U.S. cities and Venezuelans have imported more than half a billion dollars in cellular phones this year.

I mean, dig that rockin’ country! Loans for plastic surgery! If you’ve ever seen my nose and my depleted liquor cabinet, you’d understand my excitement. But again…Now’s the time to go, because the opportunity is fleeting.

Why? Well, as usual the reason involves a word that begins with S and ends with T. Yep, Socialist Hugo Chavez wants it all to stop. Why? Well, because Hugo’s a tyrant who’s full of a (different) word that begins with S and ends with T. Here’s the grim news:

Chavez, however, bristles at Venezuela's consumption boom, which he calls a symptom of a society corrupted by capitalist values."There will be no socialism unless every one of us has ... soaked ourselves to the marrow with socialist values," Chavez lectured in one televised speech. "We have to reflect on the way we're consuming."

"I was looking at the costs of whiskey imports ... exorbitant. We're one of the top consumers of whiskey in the world. What is this?" Chavez said, as he announced new tariffs on whiskey, pearls and other items.

That’s right folks. The Savior of Latin America has been reviewing the whiskey figures, and he’s not pleased. And his people, had better start soaking in the socialism or…well…he doesn’t exactly say. But considering he sports Che t-shirts and kneels before a Fidel shrine at bedtime, I have a feeling what the “or else” is.

So think about a trip south while you still can. If I see you in Caracas, the first drink’s on me. You’ll love my new nose.